Life is just a series of moments tied together.

Written on January 27, 2014

As I woke up this morning I had the thought, I don't like how big my thighs are, so I'm going to do something about that. 

Then I had a real heart-to-heart talk with myself over my eating habits. Lately I've just been so uncomfortable in my own skin. 

This morning I basically talked myself out of a bowl of cereal & opted for a green smoothie for breakfast instead. When I think about getting something to eat I think what's the easiest, least time consuming thing to eat in the house. Of course cereal is super fast & easy BUT there's really not much nutrition in just grains. There's carbs, which I like, but lately it seems all I have been eating are carbs. Nowhere in there are fruits & veggies. In some moments I actually feel guilty about that. Those are not actions that one who's interested in health & eating healthy would take. Yet, that's what I've noticed I have been doing for the last week. I really had to talk myself out of eating a bowl of cereal in lieu of a green smoothie. I found it to be a real challenge for me. Thinking back the challenge was only my mind.

I have developed some bad habits in the last year around my diet. I know it will take strength & courage & a willingness on my part to develop new healthy habits to replace those. Last night I had a salad with dinner & I reduced the portion size of the main course. I remember thinking wow, that's not very much as I was plating it up & yet it was enough in the end. That was a triumph over the past I can celebrate.

I don't think its about the cereal or any food for that matter. If I had to guess holding onto this weight is about keeping myself small, from playing a big game, to keep myself where I'm at. It occurs like I'm placing blocks deliberately in front of myself to avoid going forward in life. Why would someone do that? Fear? Self worth? I don't have the answer at this moment or maybe I don't really want to know the answer because then I'd have to be responsible for it.

What I do know is if I want to let go of this weight I have to quit sabotaging myself by eating poorly. I have to interrupt these bad habits & deal with myself in the moments when I'd rather eat to avoid them.

I'm committed to a long, healthy life. In that commitment I stand in the knowing that I will overcome whatever this is around my weight, to finally get that's its not about my weight at all. Its about learning to own my own power & stop shrinking away from it. When am I going to do that? Right now, in this moment & this moment & this moment. This is my life. I am profoundly powerful. I accept my power & invite my power to guide me forward from this moment on. 

Christy